


Stars

by sklbug15



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Angst, Aziraphale and Crowley Through The Ages (Good Omens), Crowley's thoughts, Happy Ending, Introspection, M/M, No Dialogue, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:08:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22850722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sklbug15/pseuds/sklbug15
Summary: Crowley's thoughts on Aziraphale throughout the ages.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 14





	Stars

**Author's Note:**

> So while watching Good Omens (for the first time) I told myself I would never write fanfiction about it. I had no ideas after all.   
> On a completely unrelated note, here's my second fanfiction for Good Omens.

Garden of Eden  
He had lots of questions. The angel was newly created and extremely young compared to the others who were far too busy fulfilling God’s will to pay him any mind.   
They pushed him aside, ignoring his questions and telling him to go away.   
Gabriel especially seemed to enjoy being condescending. Perhaps it was just him though. Luckily he had a lot of Important Things to do and wasn’t around too much. What those important things were, the angel didn’t know. He wouldn’t say.   
Overall the young angel was left to be on his own with his questions.   
At least until they needed someone to create the stars. Then oh he was the best angel for the job. He knew it was because it sent him away. The others no longer had to deal with him. Nor did they have to listen to him and his questions. He wasn’t trying to be annoying, he just wanted to know things. 

The stars, he loved them. He threw every bit of his young self into creating them. If no one would pay attention to him, he would ignore them right back. And okay he had maybe perhaps gone a bit overboard. He had in fact created 138,339,484,847 stars. Far more than he’d really needed to. But, really he hadn’t wanted to stop. Hadn’t wanted to let himself go back to feeling…  
Lonely.  
Eventually though he had to stop, had to go back to Heaven. He cried at leaving his stars. He hated going back to being ignored and pushed around. The stars gave him a purpose, made him feel useful. 

This time though, was different.   
Lucifer, the Morning Star, the most beautiful angel of them all, the most loved, noticed him. The young angel how he loved that Lucifer had added to his name something that he, the young angel, had created.   
And he, the naïve, lonely, purposeless angel had gotten lost in that. His questions changed. Became less innocent. He wanted to know things, things no one would explain to him. But oh Lucifer did.   
Then IT happened.   
He cringed thinking about it. The pain. It was like his loneliest moment magnified. Like all of his stars had been ripped away from him for a second time.   
He crawled into a corner of the Pit they’d ended up in and watched. He watched in horror as he saw what became of his fellow Fallen. Watched as they turned on each other. He hid. And his body changed to fit him.   
Crawly. Something that could hide in the darkest corners away from the others. Something that could hide down in the dirt. 

But eventually here too, he was noticed and given a job. He had never been to Eden. He had heard whispers of its creation though. So he fled Hell, fled the tortures and the pain and went to the garden.   
As soon as he arrived he wanted to stay. He didn’t want to be among the Fallen anymore. Didn’t want to continue to witness their rage, or their terror.  
He could see his stars from here.   
Perhaps if he did a good enough job, they’d let him leave Hell. He’d hide out here. He knew Heaven wasn’t a possibility, but here, it smelled nice. He especially enjoyed the green foliage. That really felt nice on his belly as he slid toward the woman.   
And his stars, he could see them every night. 

Job done he watched the fallout. He cringed in horror when God cast Adam and Eve from the Garden.   
Too much, too much! They hadn’t done anything wrong, not really. He pushed down the pain that had surged up. The memories of when God had too cast him out. He forced himself to calm down. Surely there was a plan here? Why create humans if only to kill them? Especially since much worse could be done to them a voice in his head said. 

It was then that he noticed him. The angel. He froze, eyes on the other being. He didn’t recall seeing him in Heaven. But again, he had been pushed to the side and ignored.   
A feeling formed in the pit of Crawly’s stomach. A craving. Similar to when he was making stars and couldn’t find it in himself to stop.   
He found himself moving, slithering to where the angel stood on the wall.   
It delayed the return to Hell.   
He changed back into something that looked like his angel self, but with a twinge of demon. There was a short pause, one in which Crawly let himself really look at the other being, taking in details, memorizing him.   
Then he spoke. To his great delight the angel spoke back to him.   
He Saw him.   
Crawly kept saying things and the angel kept responding, without showing signs of wanting to hurt him. He even started to smile once.   
Oh the feeling Crawly got in the pit of his stomach at that smile. It was better than anything he’d ever felt. Almost as good as he felt when he made his beloved stars.   
And he gave away his sword? That alone made him different from any other angel he had ever met in heaven. None of them would have even thought of giving up their weapon, not for the humans, not for anything.   
Then the rains came. Without meaning to Crawly stepped closer to the angel to seek out shelter.   
Oh but it didn’t feel close enough…  
The angel lifted his wing to protect him. To protect Crawly. A demon. Together they stood in the rain, while he marveled at that fact.   
Crawly didn’t want to leave. But then after the rain had stopped, the angel was gone. And then he felt a pull and found himself back in Hell.   
He mechanically filled them in and then crawled back to his corner and cried. He wasn’t sure which hurt worse, not being with the only being that had ever given him a sense of safeness or being ripped away from his stars again. 

Centuries passed and while Crawly made it back to Earth, he still carried the memory of the angel with him. Every detail was in his brain, both torturing and comforting him. He wondered if he’d ever see him, Aziraphale again. He hoped so. No one had ever been so nice to him before. No one had really Seen him before. Hope pricked under his skin.

Noah and the Flood

It was him. Aziraphale.  
Crawly stared at the angel who was standing in the crowd looking nervous. Something inside flared up. He let out a grin and then paused.   
Would the angel remember him? Would he want to see him?   
Crawly shook his head. He had seemed happy enough the last time. Well, Crawly faltered. Perhaps not happy. But he hadn’t killed him on the spot and had protected him from the rain. That meant something right?   
He stood there for a moment just drinking in the sight of the angel before forcing himself to move. To make himself talk to him.   
He had to talk to him. Had to. No one else was really worth talking to. Nobody in Hell, and well the humans, their lives were so short.   
The same feeling prickled under his skin the entire time he spoke to the angel. Aziraphale.   
He hated the look of anguish on the angel’s face at the thought of everyone dying. He had wanted to touch him. To smooth away the lines on his face at his worry. Wanted to make him as happy as Crawly was just by being in his presence. 

He had just seen him and yet, he wanted to go back. To find Aziraphale.   
His mind sang his name over and over. Aziraphale. Aziraphale. Aziraphale. Angel. 

Crucifixion  
Again, many years passed before he saw Aziraphale again. Once again the angel stood there watching what was happening while twisting his hands.   
Crowley once again, stood back and observed him. His heart sang at seeing the angel again. He did wish though, that the angel would be happy at seeing him. Or at least happy in general. Then he could at least pretend the happiness was at seeing him. He hated that Heaven did this to him.   
He didn’t observe the angel as long this time. He made his way up and struck up a conversation and told him his new name. He could almost sense the angel rolling his eyes.   
He smothered a grin and an impulse to reach out and comfort the angel. He sensed it wouldn’t be welcome. Aziraphale’s anxiety was obvious even through the pain that was because of Jesus dying.   
Crowley had never felt that from the angel before.   
The anxiety was because of him.   
He walked away from this encounter and it took him awhile to realize there was a tear slipping down his cheek. Because of course the angel didn’t like him. Why Crowley had thought he could, he was a demon. Aziraphale was just being decent by not immediately killing him. Which led to the anxiety of course. Because being seen with a demon, wasn’t something that should happen.   
Crowley bunched up his fists. Aziraphale would never like him. 

Rome  
Aziraphale seemed so happy to see him. Crowley’s heart sang. For once he hadn’t been the one to approach the angel. No the angel had seen him first and had approached him. And he’d seemed thrilled too.   
Especially with that bit about tempting him. 

He couldn’t help it, had never been able to help himself, but Crowley wondered. He had seen the debauchery that the Romans so enjoyed.   
It hadn’t caught his attention at first. Well not more than it needed to. It actually did help him out, what with his orders from Hell to incite lust in the humans. Luckily the Romans were so good at that on their own.   
Because Crowley quite frankly refused to stoop to that. The idea of touching a human like that, he couldn’t. It had taken him far too long to figure out why.   
In fact he had figured it out just now when he saw the angel.   
Aziraphale.   
He had covered it up well, he thought. His realization.   
He didn’t want to touch anyone like that. Except for perhaps the angel.   
His angel…  
He pushed the thought away. Aziraphale wasn’t his. But he wanted him to be.  
How stupid he had been.   
He was in love with Aziraphale, had been since Eden and he had only noticed just now.   
But Aziraphale wouldn’t, he couldn’t, but he had been so happy to see him. Had wanted to tempt him. Crowley wished he would try and tempt him to something other than food.   
But he was an angel. So that would never happen.  
And, well he had asked if he was still a demon. Almost like maybe, he had been hoping that somehow he wasn’t. Would it make a difference if somehow he hadn’t been a demon anymore?   
It didn’t matter, of course because he would always be a demon. No getting away from that, which of course meant that Aziraphale wouldn’t, couldn’t, be tempted.  
Not by him.   
Crowley knew deep down he would be okay with that as long as Aziraphale kept smiling at him the way he had. Kept seeking him out to spend time with.   
The demon would never have the angel’s love, but his time and attention he would accept. 

Wessex   
Crowley fumed. He had had the perfect solution, the perfect thing so that they could work together. To see each other. Aziraphale had turned him down flat.   
Part of Crowley wasn’t surprised of course. Aziraphale always had to have the appearance of doing the right thing.   
He had had the perfect opening line too because of course he had known it was Aziraphale. It made him sound cool and dangerous.   
Of course it hadn’t gone the way he had wanted it to.   
Stupid angel.  
Stupid feelings.  
Stupid self. 

Globe Theater  
Stupid face.   
Crowley sighed. All Aziraphale had to do was look at him and he caved. Whatever Aziraphale wanted, he couldn’t help himself, he gave in. And that was after he had denied even knowing him. Not his friend. Of course not. He was just useful to him. Gave him whatever he desired.   
Still, Aziraphale had seemed concerned about what Hell would do if they found out about them.   
Crowley’s stomach twisted at that thought. On some level the angel cared about him. 

Reign of Terror  
Aziraphale was in trouble. Why he didn’t just miracle himself out, Crowley didn’t understand. But perhaps, perhaps Crowley could save him. He could go in and rescue him and be the dashing hero. 

Aziraphale had been so happy to see him. So much so they’d gone out for crepes. Crowley loved going out for food with the angel. Not that he really ate, drank yes, ate no. But the food it made Aziraphale so happy. Crowley imagined the smile he had on his face was meant for him. He knew deep down it wasn’t, but oh to imagine. And Aziraphale had seemed so pleased to see him. They had been together for hours, eating and drinking.   
They had wandered outside after the sun set and Crowley had been able to see his stars. He never wanted the night to end. 

1862  
What if they found out? The other demons. About him and Aziraphale. Crowley could swear he’d been getting looks from Ligur. Like he knew or suspected something. What would the others do?   
Go after Aziraphale his mind supplied. Oh they wouldn’t touch Crowley not if they knew the truth about his feelings. They would kill Aziraphale. They would make it long and painful for the angel.  
And make him watch.  
He couldn’t stand the thought of that. He had to keep Aziraphale safe.   
Crowley paced back and forth. He needed something, a plan. If they figured it out, he had to be able to stop them. His mind supplied the answer slowly.   
He’d need to be able to stop them first. He needed Holy Water.   
There was one person who could get him some. He couldn’t tell him the truth about why he needed it of course.   
Oh by the way I’m in love with you, have been since Eden and I need Holy Water in case the other demons figure it out because they’ll come after you and I need to stop them. Or have a way to off myself if they succeed because there’s no way I’m living in a world without you in it. 

1941  
He had stayed away. He needed time to get over what had been said between him and Aziraphale.   
Fraternize.  
Like he meant nothing to him. Just a job.   
A part of Crowley recognized the fact that Aziraphale was so upset because he didn’t want anything to happen to him. Him, a demon. He knew that meant the angel wouldn’t stay mad for long. A part of him, cared. He marveled at that fact. It was more than Crowley had ever hoped for.   
Still he kept going back to that word. Fraternize.   
And he did what he did best. Doubt. Question. Perhaps he was seeing only what he wanted to see, what he hoped and someone help him, prayed to see.   
That didn’t stop him though. From looking after the angel from afar. And he found him in trouble. Again. 

Once again he found himself saving the angel. And his books. He knew the angel would have been terribly upset about the books.   
He also found holy water. His mind began working on a way to get a hold of some. It helped pushed out the thought that once again the angel thought the worst of him, working with those Nazis.   
Meanwhile Aziraphale followed him outside looking dazed and confused. 

1960’s  
What had he meant?   
Aziraphale had said, he had said things. Crowley didn’t know what he meant. He couldn’t have meant what it sounded like surely.   
“I can’t have you risking your life.”  
And he gave him holy water. Even after everything he had said to him when he had first brought up the subject decades ago.   
He had sounded truly worried. For him. For a demon.   
And then, he had said things. About a picnic and the Ritz.   
He could have meant those platonically though. They had gone out to eat many times as friends. But, “You go too fast for me.”   
What the bloody hell had that meant? Because on the surface he could have meant with his car. But Crowley shook his head. There was something else, just under that. A different meaning. It had almost sounded as if…  
No. Aziraphale tolerated him. Maybe was on the edge of liking him. He had saved his life several times and he did rather follow him around when it came to eating out. An activity that Aziraphale enjoyed so much. Far more than the other angels would even consider doing. Human activities were beneath him. No, Crowley was merely a companion. Someone who kept the angel from being truly lonely.   
But, it had almost sounded as if… 

Warlock  
Seeing him every day was a special kind of torture. Granted it helped that his disguise was so incredibly stupid. Of course it would be. That was an Aziraphale move after all. No style whatsoever.  
Still Crowley had to be careful. It wouldn’t do for the other humans in the house to see him gazing after the gardener. Humans tended to pick up on that stuff quicker than any demon or angel. It was a big part of their existence after all. Who fancied who.   
Crowley wasn’t this used to being this close for this amount of time. A part of him enjoyed it and a part of him hated it. He couldn’t help it though, when Warlock went running outside, standing in the boy’s room and watching his charge with the angel. 

After the Body Switch  
He had wanted to rip Gabriel apart. The way he told Aziraphale to shut up and die. He was still furious and both he and Aziraphale had made it back to Earth. He knew they would be left alone now. His mind wouldn’t let him forget that. They were together on their own side.   
What did that mean?   
He and Aziraphale went back to the bookshop after their dinner at the Ritz. A dinner that unlike any others felt almost date like.   
It wasn’t of course. Crowley wasn’t stupid. He had a good imagination that’s all. How he craved the angel though. No one cared anymore, they were finally free and safe.   
Yet, Crowley knew if anything they were friends and that was it. 

Aziraphale locked the door to the bookshop behind them. 

There was no way ever that the angel would return his feelings. It had so felt like it was a possibility though. 

Aziraphale went to the back and brought out wine. 

A foolish possibility that would never happen. Crowley had to face it. Had to put it behind him. Aziraphale clearly only saw them as friends. 

Aziraphale poured two glasses of wine. Crowley took his mechanically, his mind still yelling at himself, at his heart.   
Crowley opened his mouth to say something, he wasn’t sure what.   
His glass crashed to the floor as he found an angel in his lap and then, then the angel was kissing him. Crowley froze. What was happening?  
Aziraphale pulled back a frown on his face, but before he could say anything Crowley pulled him back, hands grasping at his back, through his hair, holding him so tight as their lips met again. 

There may have been desperation in the demon’s kisses. May have been tears.   
Crowley could feel it now. He could feel the love that surrounded him, that was coming from the angel that he had craved, wanted, needed, since almost the beginning of time.   
This was better than any stars.


End file.
